Monday, September 01, 2003

Something I had written a loooooong, long time ago. I'm amazed it still lives...

"I cannot be everything to everyone, and I certainly cannot meet all expectations. But if someone were to embrace the best of me, then take the worst as well. For if one were to scoff at my deficiencies, no matter how I try to supercede them, then there is little reason to give all. For “all” includes everything that I am.

I have spent the past months seeking the significance that has been viciously wrenched from me, and all I had asked of you in answer to your declarations of indebtedness was your friendship, a friendship that demanded patience and understanding. It is unfortunate that you had not, quite understandably, a trove to spare. My vulnerability, however, hastened me to seek comfort elsewhere, to places where I am not inclined to remember.

So forgive me for saying that what we have is tainted. I have faulted, yes, but I am led to believe that you fail to understand why, not by any fault of your own, save the limitations of your experience. And it is my added fault that I have not been so open in that regard. Do remember, though, that I was once open. That I have felt all in your presence, not without an extended duration, to which you have eventually expressed disdain over. And with this wall you have built to shield you from frustration, I have chosen to be resolute in my avoidance.

Though it is with this that I have suffered more the loss, I am not a little boy who is wont to mourn this loss. For in acknowledging that I am imperfect, I labor towards a semblance of perfection. Such is the best struggling to overcome the worst, even in the eventuality that I may be far more removed than I had been.

I want to tell you that I am well, that whatever poison that has sought to devour my soul is about nearly purged, that I do not long anymore, that the past is memory, and that I am whole again, albeit rough and weathered. I shall eventually return to your fold but, again, expect less as much as I have expected less of you, until such time when friendships take their natural course and rebuild themselves. But that is time’s prerogative, and I am willing to wait."

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