Tuesday, May 13, 2003


One of the writing exercises Dean unleashed on us sought to test our ability in writing emotions. This is what I came up with:
11:22 p.m.

Have to finish writing that story oh GOD I have to finish writing that story where are the words where did I put the words the ideas go online soon has Joan emailed me yet I wish there's a new project to do need the money feel really awful is this a cold coming on can't catch cold can't get sick have to write a blog entry a journal entry get sleep sniff body starting to ache how much money do I have left mommy needs money how much was it do I have enough till pay day mustn't be late always late SHIT always late where's that print out gotta read that print out inspiration brain cells recharge headache have to relax update the site new stories don't want to disappoint them new art don't want to disappoint them don't want to disappoint myself FUCK gotta slow down gotta catch up I'm hungry sleepy tired lonely gotta work cup of coffee yes cup of coffee a few puffs gotta get coffee and puffs think think think things over room's a mess fix the room soon get materials what do I need folders pens markers list them down yes list them down don't forget feeling old always forgetting make a schedule make a nice schedule follow it this time follow it DAMNIT follow the schedule running out of time lots of time what happened to time what happened to time

11:22 p.m.

I opened my email today to check on Dean's critique and found that my submission didn't work for him, and I quote "The reason this vignette does not work for me is the very nature of the mode the author selected. It is not only self-reflexive but demanding, and if you put up something demanding in front of a discerning reader, he will put up with the demand but in turn demand more from the text – which this piece is unable to deliver."

But this comment had a precursor. Last night, I had another dream. A Technicolor and Dolby Sound dream. It was set in the office. Dean called to me from his desk, saying, "Carl, don't get hurt by my critique, okay?"

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