Monday, April 21, 2003

Making Your Life Worth Watching

One of the films being planned out in Hollywood is based on a true story of a Marine officer who runs a ballet school. And I can hear someone say... "Yeah.... riiiggght."

So if you want to earn some extra bucks and sell the rights to your life story to some Hollywood bigwig, put a spin into your life. But make sure that you've got those inspirational dramatic elements in there.

Here's a suggestion: Volunteer to be part of the rebuilding of Iraq. Prepare to keep a journal (cheap notebooks work best). Once you're there, 'accidentally' get lost. Try and communicate with the locals and get frustrated. Befriend a young impressionable child who lives the poorest-of-poor life. This child will introduce you to the family and you'll have that cross-cultural bungling on your part. Learn some key phrases, particularly invectives, as well as an uplifting local saying (like "We'll be friends forever.") Touch people's lives and do a lot of crying. If conflict erupts during your stay, try to save a life or your own, depending on the gravity of the conflict, but always punctuate this circumstance with shouts of "Stop! Have mercy! The children!" Then orchestrate your getting found. Do the tearful farewell. On cue, repeat uplifting local saying. During this entire time, make sure to update your journal regularly. (Blogging not allowed).

When you get home, organize your journal and get a book published. Chances are, Hollywood bigshots will find it. If they don't, send copies.

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