When Humanity Sets In

There was a time when I had thought that I could do anything. It’s the most common impression of youth, that aspect of perceived invincibility, if not in the heart, at least in the body and mind. I remember when I could take most tasks and finish them confidently at the appointed hour, and I’ve been missing those times of late, as my mortality has deemed it proper to take its natural course, and whisper to me subtly that body and mind need to slow down.

I’m slowing down.

The headaches have been more frequent, bringing me to near tears sometimes. There’s work which, admittedly, has been sorely affected. There are the sideline tasks which translate to extra cash. There are the personal projects that cater to my incessant need for growth. And there are the commitments to keep in touch with friends and family that likewise keep me in touch with life. But I’m beginning to feel the signs that may one day lead to a nervous implosion, an inevitable catatonia, and so decisions have to be made.

I have to shelve a few things and, as I’ve been reminded over and over, take it easy. But I don’t know how to begin.

Priority is, of course, work. Its importance cannot be discounted despite my consistent tardiness (yes, shame on me). There’s getting the collected Zsazsa Zaturnnah to a publisher, and that project has its own new set of demands – pin-ups, a new cover, new design work, etc. (I’ve already met with a couple of potential publishers, then there’s a third prospect tomorrow.) There’s Twilight Empires which I had committed to a long time ago, and a couple of sideline projects which I can’t ignore because of the extra cash. That’s more than enough work to last me till the end of the year.

All that apart from keeping my personal life together.

This means I have to put research on my new book on hold, moreso writing the script for it. The gang has a new exciting project brewing for release within the year, and I sadly can’t commit to it in whatever way. And even if the Hinirang website hasn’t been updated for months, I have to ease away from that, too. Oh, and I have to slow down on the reading, as I’ve become too voracious for my own good.

Slow down, Carl, slow down.


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