Wednesday, June 04, 2003

Yes, it's a free country...

The following is an excerpt from a piece found here:

Christian Moviegoers Beware!
The Two Towers is Homo Slang For Erect Hobbit Penises
Important Notice For Christian Parents


Pastor Deacon Fred went on to note that although the violence in The Two Towers film is some of the best he's ever seen outside of the Holy Bible, that the hidden sexual agenda in the movie makes it unwatchable to anyone other than a qualified minister of God.

Pastors who were allowed to see the first film, The Fellowship of the Ring, remember that toward the end, one of the male hobbits (which is slang for "homo boy with a little bitty [insert unchristian word here] hanging between his legs") fell so much in love with the main character, Frodo (another male hobbit), that he committed the ultimate homosexual sacrifice by ruining his hairdo and nearly drowning himself to prove his loyalty. Although sodomy is now suggested in nearly every scene where the two creatures appear together, thankfully, the producers leave the disgusting homosexuality (which was so much a part of the novels) off camera. There are some scenes where the hobbits appear together in one sleeping bag and a lewd discussion about what sinful act led to both their palms and feet becoming so hairy, but that's about it. “By moving dozens of deviant sex scenes between those hairy little perverts off screen, the producers were able to achieve a PG13 rating," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "And make no mistake, my dear friends; here at Landover Baptist, PG means 'pretty gay.'"


I mean, I do respect other people's spiritual dispositions and religious orientations as long as it's based on peace and goodwill and all that, but puh-leeease. Can't we just sit back and enjoy the movie?!?

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Addendum hours later: Okay, I double-checked the site after seeing Noel's comment on the tag board and, sure enough, "The Landover Baptist Church is a complete work of fiction. It is a satire/parody." according to its About page. I guess I can't be an investigative journalist, eh?

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